4"10 love fashion, yet a size 8

Today was not a great day. I have always been such an optimistic person and see the light at the end of each tunnel, yet today was not one of those days.  I will take  this time to speak from the heart and for people to know who I truely am deep down. Behind all the glitz and glam, I am 4"10 and weight about 145lbs. I try diets, they work and as soon as I stop them all the weight piles back on.  For some one who loves fashion as much as I do everything they showed on New York fashion week a size 8/10 will not look the same. Now, must I mention how obssessed I am with Rachel Zoe?  Everything she says you should wear, I always make sure to get. If  she suggests for  someone to buy a "chanel" lipgloss  you must run and make sure to own it.  This is where a bit of my fustration has come, I stopped buying clothes and instead get makeup.  Although I feel make up makes me feel better, my clothes size remains the same. Today is 9/17/2011 by grandmothers 78th birthday, she is mad at me for a few months now because I for once said no to her. I miss her and hope she lives many more years, shes an awesome person and I wish to have all the strength and energy she has once I reach her age.  Maybe a month from now, three months or even a year from now I can eventually have some followers that make me feel special.  On that note, this is a negative me(she does not come around very often).
Larita